Thrift Shop Blues
by Bernadette Mayer & Philip Good
I hope not to speak of myself in the third person
While shopping in a
Second hand store trying to buy clothes
Or any other old treasures
I’ve got the thrift shop blues
There’s three of us in the thrift shop
Thinking why is that third person here?
Is he a thrifty elf ? Or a ne’er–do–well?
Planning to steal second–hand clothes?
Ye Little Olde Thrift Shoppe
Used coats, used shirts and clean
Let’s roam around the store and
See what we can glean
The aisles are wide and the lights
Are bright even if all
is not as it seems
Let’s see if what we can glean gleams
Or seems to gleam
In almost the New Year
According to this capitalist calendar
It’s time to buy lava lamps!
If only they had coats the color of the sky
That’s what we could buy for
New Year’s at the thrift store
As we celebrate the
blue–gray sky
There’s nothing to celebrate
but thrift shops or, if we could see them
The northern lights, there could be a coat
that’d change color every day
according to the sky–color, today
we’d have to get a gray coat with rain
turning to snow
Got the thrift shop blues so bad
We stumble through the door
Walked by the used paperbacks
And old videos
Walked around the bric–a–brac
And back outside again
It’s cold! Let’s go
Inside the thrift emporium
To get some warm second–hand stuff
It’s slightly used, pre–owned
There could be a Nebbish in there!
And if it’s raining too hard
We’ll take a row boat there
We’ll look at all the funny hats
We can wear them inside
and we can wear them outside
So let’s not be late for the
funky second hand store blues
somebody called it
wearing dead people’s clothing
You could also call it
wearing rich dead people’s clothing
Once I saw a mink coat in Re–Wraps
for $400
I have the thrift store blues
I’ve got nothing to lose
I have the thrift store blues
All I’ve got to do is choose
I was told that wearing dead
folks shoes is bad luck
but everything else we can touch
You might choose the clothes
of someone who was touched
and sent to an insane asylum
leaving behind a lot of great clothes
but only had one pair of shoes
For only a little money
we could be wearing something
different everyday
we could wear a whole new wardrobe
and environmentally friendly too
all you’ve got to do
is pop some tags
it’d be fucking awesome
and if you get some rich people’s pajamas
we can have a little costumed nap
Haven’t been to the thrift shop in so long
We might have to wash our own clothes
Haven’t been to the thrift shop in so long
We might have to wear the same shirt twice
Or we might have to run as fast as we can
to Re–Wraps again
Once in Chicago the river
was going backwards again
It was winter but it was summer
We went to a thrift shop
An ocean of old clothes, and set
the seasons straight
A thrift shop in every town for every season
A charity shop for every reason
The country is getting needy
But the clothes aren’t that seedy
I got the thrift shop blues so bad
I can see them in the dark
I can see them when I’m greedy
I go to a thrift shop and get my fix
Twenty six silk shirts and a faux fur coat
They have one–of–kind items
They have assortments for all ages
They have f latware and glassware
Why don’t you go in today
It’s always like a going out of
business sale
Liquidation!
And there’s more!
Get in on the ground f loor!
Pre–owned pianos for the masses!
Typewriters, galoshes, nebbishes
And scarves galore!
Give them a home!
Buy a spa for your feet or
A machine to make something to eat
Get an old lamp to put next to
An ancient sofa or easy chair
And relax with a cup of coffee in
Some fine used china
There’s money in used coffee
Infused with caffeine, color and the smell
Of popcorn f loating round the racks
Of warm things, shelves of shining dishes
Look gloomy today like old foot spas
The best of the worst artwork is available
Old vinyl in stereo with moldy covers
Plastic f lowers and ugly vases
Buy it while you can
Or don’t hesitate to donate!
You have to get into the
Thrift shop mode: what’s bad
Might be good, the unexpected is
What you need and a Jewish star
On a Christian church’s ecology incarnate
Goodwill, Salvation Army and
Even the Idaho Youth Ranch
Thrift Shop
Take their giving to the needy seriously
And the poor shop there religiously
Aldi’s is the food thrift shop
A modicum of employees, no brand names
Just cartons
The Trader Joe’s for poor people,
Owned by the same German brothers
But can anything be believed?
Aldi’s is kind of sad to be in
But not in theory
Steer clear of the fresh–food part,
It’s weary
Get food at the food pantry
Some thrift shops have a box
of bread by the door
There’s no damage
Get a used sweater and
Make a grilled cheese sandwich
Put your hands together
For thrift shop wealth
Hooray for the pre–owned!
Down with brand–names and labels
Except of course for tags, it’s
50% off for yellow ones
In aisle 2 and everywhere in the store
Hunting for hand me downs you say
Brand new for one dollar you say
Color coded discounts you say
Too many tags to pop you say
What are we waiting for I say
I say let’s get this mink coat
You say this shirt is the color of
You send me, how about this orange scarf?
Oh no, another copy of Crimson Tide
You still play cassettes you’re in luck
You still play video tapes you’re in luck
You never know what you might find
Another schmuck’s garbage is another
Schmuck’s treasure for your pleasure
I’m looking for a pleasure treasure
At the thrift shop to measure my luck
Will the polar vortex bring me a balloon
To signal my desire to fuck soon
My cum going to kingdom come
Is the thrift store X–rated or over rated
Undervalued or overvalued?
Power to thrift stores without a
Polar vortex or pretext
Let’s blow up our wardrobes
Without reason today
Tis the season for gold medals
In tag–popping on snowboards
Free grilled cheeses at the end
Of the slopes, let’s wrap
The anarchist f lag around
Our aspiring selves: Property is robbery!
What if we found gold medals
At the thrift store and wore
Them inside and outside
Nothing but award winning
Bling from one thrift store to
the next
50% off the gold with gold tags
On the second Thursday of the 5th month
Of the year of the rooster only
Free slab of beef thrown in
If it’s Valentine’s day & you are an owl
He or she who finds the most bizarre item wins
Bonsai plants, oil lamps & magic carpets excluded
Mardi gras beads & beatnik bongos perhaps
Broken watches and mismatched candle sticks
Bright curtains, pillows, hats and even a gravy boat
In which we’ll sail
To the next thrift shop
We’re writing a Field Guide To Thrift Shops
Called Stone’s Throw, I’ll bet
There’s one in the night sky