Invisible Man Signs Up For Tinder

By Ronald Koertge

At first the women think he’s funny. A breath of fresh air
compared to the hogwash peddlers with their walks on the beach.
They tease him about being a mad scientist. They ask for sexy pics
of him in nothing but a lab coat. They text LOL when he says his
goldfish Finny disappeared swimming in [Cr(NH3)6](3+)[Cl(1–)]3,
H(1+)[AuCl4! When he wonders if the formula will work on
humans, they add Rolling on the Floor Laughing emojis.
Disgusted, he’s about to delete his account when out of nowhere
Hotasabunsenburner responds with a suggestion about
C24H30N203. A few feverish hours in his basement and Success!
He replies immediately. Great minds should meet! Boards a bus
for free. Makes a bank teller faint when fifties float from the cash
drawer. Then at Le Club there’s that small booth she told him
about and — his heart is pounding now — a coffee cup rising on
its own, smear of scarlet lipstick on the rim.