amores perros

by Volha Hapeyeva

amores perros
     translated from Belarusian by Annie Rutherford

they brought me chocolates
gave me dresses
on occasion even flowers
they dedicated poems to me
          when what I wanted was a dog
they told me I was beautiful
exceptional clever
and kind
I didn’t believe them and was simply angry
          for I wanted a dog
the people who brought chocolates
gave dresses and dedicated poems
married divorced
somebody died
          and I still wanted a dog
and like in that Astrid Lindgren book
they said
Smidge, what do you want a dog for, we’re better than a dog
in disbelief I closed my eyes
and remained seated on the window sill
          thinking about my dog
what breed is it
playful or melancholy
does it need brushed
what to feed it
what does it like to play
does it need to be trained
or will it understand me without words
just by looking into my eyes
and then one time
on my way back from the pool I heard someone running
after me
I’m sorry it took me so long to find you
we embraced and it dissolved
like the most healing of pills
flooding a crater
which gaped within me
my dog
my selflove